Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wednesday Inspiration: The Number One Thing You Must Know When Looking For A Mate (and 3 tips to help you close the deal)

Many people will tell you to write a list of characteristics, both physical and personal that your perfect mate will have. Rarely does anyone show you how to come up with that list or an example of one that works. When I hear people mention what is on their list they often say they are looking for someone who is cute, has a great body, a good sense of humor, likes walks in the park, is tall, dark, handsome, loves his mom, can cook, likes kids and so on...(at least that is what I see most on dating websites).

Those traits/likes etc., do nothing to help you understand if you will get along with that person. It does nothing to get you to the heart of your beloved's heart. The one most important thing to do when deciding what is important in a mate is to keep it simple. It's the little things, the simple things that tell whether your mate has integrity and the capacity for love.

Things like, I rarely get routed to his voice mail - he always takes my calls and he always returns them- he respects me.

She does what she says she is going to do, I trust her word.  

She is fresh, clean and showers every day. I just threw that in, but hey hygiene is important, no one wants a stinky partner!

He is never volatile or violent with me, his mother or any other woman. No explanation necessary, I hope. 

He is not over the top jealous when I smile at another guy/ she doesn't lose her mind when the waitress smiles at me.  She/he is confident and trusts me.

We can disagree then laugh and still enjoy our meal. He/she lives int he real world and we can work things out.

3 Tips to help you close the deal:

1. Don't be so judgmental. Especially those of us in church and who have religious beliefs. Avoid being egotistical and thinking that you are holier than every person on earth.
2. Relax. Just like dogs smell fear, people feel when you are uptight. Take it down a thousand.
3. And finally allow yourself to feel and follow your intuition. You usually have a gut feeling when someone is not right for you. Trust your gut and keep that simple to. You do not need a reason. You do not need validation. You just know. If it feels bad let it go.

Trust that the mate you are looking for is looking for you!

Cathleen, in Effect


  1. That is fabulous advice of course remembering to take the lessons you learned in you past relation ship/s with you. I have made the choice that I'm not looking for someone perfect, just perfect for me. For me as far as religion goes I believe in God and honor him in my thoughts everyday, as long as my potential partner believes in a higher power, it means to me that, he does not struggle so much with personnel ego, and that is good enough for me.... Namaste ...Tracy Waters..x

  2. Great blog Cathleen. Well as I get older, and somewhat wiser (wink) I have come to realize that one of the most important things to do when meeting a new mate, or getting to know a "potential", is to find out why their last relationship(s) ended...Yes, sort of like getting a resume. Not saying that you have to follow that up with a background check and/or credit check, but hey, know what you are getting yourself into. We are not living in the times of our parents or grandparents. 2nd, We are puppets of social media at times (if we allow it). The world of dating begins now online, and alot of people create these worlds of granduer and fantasy. It starts off by just reducing the age "Hi, I'm 35"...but in actuality he/she is 42. We become so engulfed with the online make believe that we start believing it ourselves. By the time you get to an actual live date, you have developed a digital relationship with someone you believe is 6'3", 195 lbs, athletic build, with good hair, and a sharp dresser...and when you finally meet at that starbucks, you find that your Mr. Right is 5'7", 215lbs, overbite, and a bad shoe selection (which is never a good I right ladies?). But you're already drawn in, because you have fallen for the digital poetry, the digital intellect, the digital bravado, and the google searched you give it a shot, only to realize 3 weeks later that instead of sayng "WOW...he's everything I imagined" end up saying "well, at least he's not a least he has a least he's not.....the last one". Ok, I might have gone a little far, but I just wanted to paint the picture. Moral of this story...don't be afraid to say hello on the might have just spoken to that "special one".

  3. Great advise Cathleen,I do agree that when looking for a mate you need to keep it simple. We tend to create these expectations when seeking a mate and they never meet them so the relationship never works. I've been dating a man for the last 3 years and we take it a day at a time, no expectations, we do not owe each other anything. We respect each other and communicate very well. If we disagree about something we speak our mind and its done. We know how to make each other happy and we enjoy each other's company. Is he the perfect man or my soul mate, NO, but I'm ok with that (no expectations here). I believe to close a deal on a mate you have to be willing to allow them to be who they are if you can deal with it your good to go, if not let it go.

  4. Donald Lee: Cathleen, I LOVE your latest blog on "mates". Wonderful job. I tried to post a comment on your blog page, but for some reason, I was having difficulty doing so. Therefore, I'm posting my comment here. Awesome blog, filled with wisdom! Keep 'em comin'!